Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Randomize