when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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