If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
