i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I wear drunk well.
Randomize