i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You took a bar mat shot.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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