I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
