it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize