i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
