so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
