I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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