nut hugger
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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