Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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