Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
