Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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