apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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