i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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