Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
