your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
