I just threw up on my dentist
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
A+ Viking dick
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
