theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
