Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
