i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
