he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
