Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
So squirting runs in the family.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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