singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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