Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
