i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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