i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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