If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
