good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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