Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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