i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
