It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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