Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
