apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
