please come you make the beer taste better
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
