It's like God shit irony all over that family
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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