I got chris browned last night
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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