Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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