I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize