Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
