obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
