I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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