Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
