My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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