I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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