Just fell off a train. Bad.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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