The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
