I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
