Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
