Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
