I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
