One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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