The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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