dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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