i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize