I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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