What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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