I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
