we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
