I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
