Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
