How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize