hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
