I'm drive I can fine osifer
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize