let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
