I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
