Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
