Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
