Swine flu. Run for my life!
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
