dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
