i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
