new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
