If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
