That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I need to sanitize my soul.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
