Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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