So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
