He disabled his match.com account in front of me
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
His hands were made for my vagina.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
