I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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