Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
