i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
