Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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