hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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