i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
