I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
