i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
