I'm really into asian looking animals
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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