ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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