I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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