party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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