I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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