We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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