Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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