so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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