she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
