Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
