I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
