Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
